...

我們看日落
微風蓋在臉上
像月亮等待脫離海洋
然後我悄悄看你的肩膀
如深海的沈默
不善水性的我不知何以言語

我已日漸忘掉憂傷的起源

讀雷光夏的詩時,想起了憂傷曾幾如斯美麗。

「在七月，仲夏的夜晚，

許多快樂的人吐出的空氣，

凝聚在你的胸口，

變成一團污濁而濃重的悲傷」

（《我是雷光夏》之〈榜外〉）

意大利十日意遊已盡 (圖片預告篇)

小時候看王家衛早已覺悟所有事情終究有個期限。
對於歐洲,我已有點意興闌珊,請不要說我在說風涼話,伴遊的維黃妮雅皆認同香港很好,遊意才不過十天,她早急急夢見回家復工的美好。

羅馬

圖:梵帝岡的聖光

圖:天使之城

Tarot garden

圖:哪個是我?哪個是維黃妮雅?




佛羅倫斯






威尼斯

(就算是)同一框架

在同一框架
在不同時間
看同一風景
究竟還可有不同的景致
或如昔美滿

和由美子兒語

圖:二月份由美子憂愁地在我的小房間裡呆看天花


這陣子,憂鬱的心情充滿整個空間,就連四壁都無以盛載。
幸好不時總會在路上遇見由美子。

我和由美子的認識非常偶然,去年九月的一個午後,大家都在瘋狂地認識新朋友,
雖然我沒有變得很瘋狂,不過若遇上一見如故的,總不會錯過機會。
就是這樣,在學校宿舍附近的一個小角落,第一眼看見由美子,我已認定這會是我的朋友。

由美子曾在香港大學讀書,會說一點廣東話。她總是說我說起道理時,太像dr cheung。
她時而溫婉,時而強悍,夾雜著日本、香港或無以界定的文化特質,
我們第一次遇著對方,就在街角聊上一小時。
聊的不是語言領域裡那些單純的理解,卻是即使不必解釋很多,都能明白彼此的一種語言,
有時我就覺得由美子像一個成熟而不沾塵的小孩,我們一直聊,聊的笑的都彷彿是別人無法完全理解的兒語。
由美子是傳統的水瓶座,敏感善良而充滿人性之餘,說詞時卻又不離溫文的批判。

這陣子我被後現代主義折騰,我倆一說起becoming一詞就不禁失控。
如 果所有事情都不過是過程,我的存在也只是一個階段,究竟存在又有多重的意義,究竟我的絕望,失落,憤怒將會在什麼時候變成過去,當becoming變得 如此尋常,「我」彷彿已不再是真相,因為所有定義界限都被放諸無以完成的過程之中,說著,我們發現所有談論都變得如此虛無。

我們笑著,說著,造就了二人間的一個笑話。

如果我再要一個情人,我想彼此可達成我和由美子之間這種不造作的溝通。

為什麼你們都喜歡Pete Doherty?

圖: the tellers myspace site

本來打算裝一腔文藝,假意柔情地張揚我對the tellers主音的那份過氣青春期偶像膜拜的情懷。可我無法抵住日烈日下體內那膨漲的亢奮。
他的聲音比gainsbourg來得性感,中間夾著早晨嘆過一回latte後,混和著煙草的青澀。
操流利英文,然淡淡的法文口音還是忍不住性感地籠罩住我和維黃利雅的耳朵。
(可知道說法文的不限法國人呢!)
聽罷他如何隨意哼出more一曲,我彷彿已被架在雲端,彼此不廢吹灰之力。
繼johnny depp, erlend oye,我想他已後來居上,成為我的夢中情人。
最可惜,他家人給了他一個難聽的名字叫作ben。



caption:維小姐怒吼,can the fucking audience stop their claps! ;DDD


catpion:高領口上衣,及耳的長曲髮,超修長腿,你還想要求什麼啊?


caption:今個晚上我就要飛去belgium了!!噢噢噢!!!

夏日將至

圖:yumiko

圖:後山的小公園

new cross在烈日下沙塵滾滾,我平日的生趣只來自yumiko及這個後山小公園。

電音停不了

今年可能是最後的暑假,誰願意和我一同扎營往benicassim看camp到不能的西班牙synth pop組合cielo????

去向未明,只好先看看mv止住心癢罷。



***uv party website

why do we talk so much?

pix: those silences


amongst those routino readings, madi's loveletter to patpat hits me. cant help the tears for her sacrifice and those burning affection for young life and love.

"So when we had a big fight last time, and when you told me again that you felt boring here and you didn't know if you loved me or not, I felt so empty to stay here, even I gave myself many reasons to move to Xiamen, but I know the most important reason was you. (hey, honey, I don't want to remind you those sad things with these, just a step to go on my words.) so I decided to be strong and to be independent, I should learn how to live alone and try to get what I want again, like all I did at the year of graduation.

I don't know if you think we can do better in China, I don't know if you want to go somewhere else, I don't know if you want to go to London with me, I don't know if YOU DO WANT TO LIVE WITH ME FOR MORE DAYS. I don't know WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME IN YOUR MIND, I don't know if YOU DO LOVE ME. I just want to tell you, I do care about MLDD, I do want to go on our photo dairy for whole my life, and when you hold me in the morning, I just want to lay with you and think of nothing, I don't really know what you can give me and if you would have another big fight with me like that in the near future (haha), I do want to make the decision to live with you and love you forever, if you can give me the confidence.

If you can give me the confidence, we can decide everything together, I am not only think of myself, but think of us."
-- from madi to patpat

feel as if walking in the labyrinth these days. among linguistic tricks. i keep questioning. in order to seek a feeling. hysteria. i do not mean to ask. i am trying to seek a feeling. but i dont know how to. i cannot touch i cannot smell i cannot sense i can only feel through noises. the cheapest convenient and instant tool of communication.
but why do we talk so much? can i just skip talking and thinking but let my senses and body feel? if words mean a lot, can we stop nagging at each other? how can i break the geographical distance without having too much disturbing silence among us?

book for tonight: the meme machine - susan blackmore

i want to stop thinking and just let myself fill with love.

when love is young

圖:promrise hill

問美國同學julia barry 有關那個和她分隔兩地的男友,她說我們從來就很少住在同一個城市。
那你怎麼辦?
她說沒怎麼辦,是他就是他了‧

我現在彷彿明白‧愛情真不好說。

When love is young, as fresh as dew
A song is sung, so warm and new,
It winds its way, bursts into blue
An April day turned into June
Summer is born.

I walk the fields, there’s warmth above
The thought it yields is of my love
A lazy stream, its solitude
A summer dream, a quiet mood
Plays on my mind.

The summer of a young girl’s life
Is meant for love not pain or strife
a time for change, a time to stay
to rearrange for another day
Another day.

song from free design

i want to write a loveletter

address to noone

but i still want to generate a loveletter. like a machine replaces the rationality. sit on the clouds staring at the mundane. in monotony i vision colors. as the umbrella in london drizzles. we talk about sparkles. coincidence how the line is drawn inbetween time and space. do you sit on the boundary where you feet never touch the ground? i throw the curiousity in the air. but they all collapse into blizzard of flowers in the cold. i automize my dictions and now they fly as if they have wings.

memories are good if you dont have to deal with the past

圖:all those longing


花上一整天的時間去懷舊
可是我的童年沒有孩子氣
企圖塑造回憶
然它們滾來滾去
熱鬧得我再也抓不成重點

悄悄

圖:一星期前的窗外風光


早已聞說這兒的天氣變幻莫測,早一個星期的艷陽如今卻消失無蹤影。
我呆在窗前,靜待好時光再訪。
鄰居不知何時已靜靜回鄉,早晨起來,隔壁欠了一點動靜,這裡的所有怎麼都來得如此悄悄然。
教人有點莫名的害怕。

沒了

圖:faith的家





所有結束都是教人感覺如此空洞





(記今日lisa的課終於完結了)

離開,嘴唇邊有一溜輕輕的煙

圖:周日圖書館靜靜的一角


他說,
我喜歡你微笑時牙齒有裂縫
他們像某些引力拉著我
我悄悄沉默
輕輕相信
多想深深信任
卻無以復返
彷彿句號
被置於句子當中
成了唐突

窗外的雲朵
一時被陽光晒得亮白
一時又往返灰沈
我時而看雲
時而看你
同樣無以猜透

於是我蓋上風褸
讓風涼涼溜過密封的兩手
＿＿＿　。
（讓時間代我填充留白的問號）

(我想)跳房子

圖:NEW CROSS一個春日黃昏

房子跳不出去
我只得呆坐
烈日曬進窗內
你的絲絲細語我聽在耳內
都成一排排等待被推翻的積木
像陽光與影子齊齊牽手
我聽得見的美感
彷如習慣在追逐
故此我不喜摺疊床舖
不讓規則充斥每個早晨
可我一掉過頭來
又看見陷阱在微微笑
我跳不出這座房子
只好等待城牆下陷

浮士德奇遇記

'One of the most memorable evenings you're likely to have all year. How thrilling that theatre can, momentarily, safely, thrust us way outside our comfort zone.'
5 STARS
Evening Standard


我和她在這座荒廢的大廈內害怕得手拉著手,
因為英語能力不高,她本來不怎麼說話的。
忽然她拉著前面陌生男子的手,忍不住說了。
「我可不可以拉著你一起走?」
她突如其來如此搭訕教我嚇了一跳。
我知道她是多麼驚惶。
其實我又何嘗不是。
我們三人走在暗黑之中,被陰暗包圍。
某種不明的恐慌由心底一直壓逼住我。

星 期三的晚上,我倆本是打算去看一場互動的浮士德劇場,地點本已古怪,在wapping區21號的一座彷如已被廢置的舊工廠建築內。帶位人員先把面具分派 給每人,我們套上了黑白面具走進升降機裡,一種猶如要進刑場的氣氛追逼著我們,帶位人員指示觀眾內其中一人必須離開升降機,我和她嚇得差點就抱在一起,她 說無論如何我們一定要一起走啊。

大廈共三層樓高,看演出的只得徒步,劇情發展亦只靠自己出發。我們一起看過熱鬧的swing dance,每次一進場就被男演員邀請一起跳舞的我,卻因太過害羞的原故,兩次都沒有參與眾人的熱鬧節拍之中,想來有點可惜呢!

p.s.由於生病的原故,這夜不能寫太多。

飯可以暫以意粉代替,可是戀愛原則(直覺)不可以不守

圖:春日第二個曬太陽日(於學校內)

忽然被舊記憶打了一記耳光

- i must be in love with this woman.she realized with a start. no mistake about it. ice is cold. roses are red. i am in love.

-the currents too overpowering. danger may be lurking there.but theres no turning back.i can only go with the flow.

-i always judege people by their faces. she said. meaning that i like your face. the way you look.

-sumire fell in love. as if she went crossing the field when bang! a
bolt of lighting zapped her. rihgt in the hand. something like an
artistic revolution. which is why. at that point. it doesnt matter to
sumire that the person she fell in love with happened to be a woman.

-you can feel the soft warmth of the sun on your own.

-your writing has the living breathing force.

-sometimes you are the sweetest thing. like a christmas summer holidays and a brand new puppy all rolled into one.

-when i am with her, that bone in my ear starts ringing. like a delicate seashell wind chimes.

(spunik sweetheart-murakami haruki)

當失焦時

圖:一月車窗外迷濛的北地

此際的我價值觀在樓底一直搖撼
抽一張牌
領悟就晃蕩目前

「禪是為那些勇敢的靈魂而存在的
那些人能夠拋棄所有的信念不信理志和頭腦
而進入他們那沒有邊界的純粹的存在
但是它能夠帶來很大的銳變
....
它的語言必須被理解
不是用理性的頭腦
而是用你的愛心
或者只是去聆聽
不要去管說它是否真實」

我的憂鬱猶如大海洋

圖:拍不成人像,只得拍死木


捲著我的哀愁
快要墜下來的我
就連提一根煙的力量都缺乏