星期四, 3月 31, 2005

淺談生活



生活總在荒謬中日復日雜沓離去




記在三月廿四日新認識的stan打工王子

星期二, 3月 29, 2005

我城

playground kid

這個地方的人走路都沒有喜樂,這是一個沒有空間的城市,
這裡的人沒有時間想像與做夢
           ---gerald henry editor

星期日, 3月 27, 2005

ceiling at kingsley's house on 20th march morning hour

           --走向內心,長時期不遇一人
                  (里爾黑)

其實生氣與不生氣
從來不是我們之間的隔閡
其實我想說
你的純真
像被拆毀了的舊建築
真的讓人好懷念
然而
那已是很久以前的事了
我們看著漫步的電車
時光轉又轉







一切都不在語言之內

she@after school on 19/20 mar,2005

最近總是很沈默,我想安靜與喧鬧中間,總堆疊一些不可言傳的符號,微笑,垂頭,皺眉。
我端正而坐,我老是想我的痛,在想像與真實同時,差異總是撕裂的雙生兒。
閱讀時我唯一抓緊希望,是片刻閃爍的那些真理,在空寂間劃過腦神經。
      
      一切事物都不是像人們要我們相信的那樣可理解而又說得出的;
      大多數的事件是不可言傳的,它們完全在一個語言從未到達過的
      空間,可是比一切更不可言傳的是藝術品,它們是神秘的生存,
      它們的生命在我無常的生命之外賡續著 
                    --里爾黑<給青年詩人的信>

我不用再補充了。      

星期五, 3月 18, 2005

原來.如此

原來很多事情都有著前因後果
johnny拉著我乾枯瘦弱的手
他的腰枝晃動
彷如舞蹈生命
一二三
五六七
他緊閉雙目
在黑暗裡塑造陽光
我隨著他強壯的手掌
旋迴一個兩個出走的靈魂
希望幻滅在暈眩間閃爍
深刻淺陋不過如兩指交錯的一秒
這個缺口我從沒細想
它好深好深在我們分別當天
一直割
我在悲慟中
你的訕笑歷歷在目




星期四, 3月 17, 2005

星期二, 3月 15, 2005

誠實手記

開始
終結
不過是一個沒結果的過程

its really hard to find a person that shines
but if i find the one
what should i do?

星期一, 3月 14, 2005

這個深夜我在舊居中燒信

紛飛-13/3/2005

我們討論規條
生活模式的改造
我們唯一質疑恆久不變
一切不復昔日
讀你的信
你說
曾經我們共渡的時光
總像過得很快
那時
我曾經以為我們會一起看著這個城市
從光明走到黑暗
從青春走到白頭
但是
傾城之戀不是告訴我們了
一切都回不去了

我什麼都不擁有
若果要尋找生活意義
我只願生命短暫美麗

星期日, 3月 13, 2005

我靜靜看你離去

德國之夏.攝於午後


親愛的
我的生活亂瘋了,懶洋洋的早晨,壓下來的烏雲像憂鬱的塵埃,佔據我脆弱的肺部。
我們之間再沒存在愛,我聽著老掉牙的懷舊音樂,忠告幻想過去危害心臟。
苦澀盛產於我們兩腿之間,形式放任,距離堆積如無根的話題。
原諒我不作聲,默默地在經營無奈,我沒法為歷史討回公道,如能補償我已把心裂成
碎片。路上的風使我想起某個午夜,我們約定一起看花蝴蝶接吻,如今我獨自坐
於暗角,彷彿,聽你輕描淡寫,在說,於那下雨的午後,我們已注定訣別。

沈默哽咽

你在霧中踏步離去
我看著我們之間
碎片紛紜
我別過臉
讓沈重
不再蔓延

我呆呆看著你離開,願快樂在你左右伴隨。


星期六, 3月 12, 2005

reconstruction

i almost fall into tiny pieces
please put me all together
and reform my world into brittle stars of many colors

星期五, 3月 11, 2005

什麼是愛

迷醉美麗

------------------------------------------------------------
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

* "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8
* "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4
* "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5
* "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy -age 6
* "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."Terri - age 4
* "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7
* "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8
* "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7
* "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." Nikka - age 6
* "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7
* "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6
* "During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8
* "My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6
* "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5
* "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7
* "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4
* "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4
* "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7
* "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6
* "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four-year-old child whose next-door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
原來我們都久違了愛.

她說愛就是committment.簡單直接.
他苦口婆心的對愛除了用心.還要用多點腦.
她說playboy視愛情就如食buffet.
他們說他所謂的關心不過是戲言


p.s.嗚謝phy.別後我抬起頭看天.有許多星星在閃爍.我終感到厚重的愛
比.我要借用你的豪氣.讓我也宣告這個遊戲我不玩了.我操.壁玉.我們改天去食buffet (metaphor)








星期四, 3月 10, 2005

Hyde Park回憶

rory

這些天來
我很想念海德公園
和親愛的rory

" Sigh.

It sounds like we are both stuck in a blue meanie at the moment. I will cross my fingers and blow dandelion clocks and make wishes that things will get better on your side of the ocean if you will do the same for me.

What I need is some sunshine and a long walk through Hyde Park with Bambi's hand in mine.

Close your eyes and hold tight for better times.

Rx"

Next time when i see dandelion i will blow a wish for you for you

星期一, 3月 07, 2005

until now

i still crave to speak with you

music: none
movie: peter greenaway 8 1/2 woman
mood: burning desire

賞味期限

那次我們在你寓所前叫喊


久違的陽光撐起一把傘
圍著我和身邊的四季
我臉上繪上茫然的藍
接二連三的失望
是我們的生活
那形同虛設的
一個強人的存在方式

人潮如壓在罐頭裡的乍甸魚
它們催逼我憶起你
在那個無人的電車上
你唸一首別人的詩歌
換我們訕笑別人
快樂的一秒

放一首老歌
在空氣裡舞蹈
我微笑我垂淚
我忽爾聽見你遙遙傳來的歌聲
在電話筒裡

我害怕你給我胡言亂語
它們像月亮
追隨我於每個晚上
我比劃我們的手指
不過我已無法比較過去

生活是一埸綵排
我呆想
你的重量
如果我們一同下沉
但願我們的身軀重疊


可惜已千瘡百孔
待你回來時
我對你的愛
恐怕再沒法識別








星期日, 3月 06, 2005

don't ask me to explain my obession

'they were carried on in a language that does not exist, a language so simple, so direct, so transparent, that words were useless. it was not a silent language either, as is often used in communication with the "higher beings." it was a language of clamor and tumult - the heart's clamor, the heart's tumult' miller - plexus p.

我的哀傷沈甸甸

那.個.明.媚.秋.日

今天啊道上的影子被太陽拉得很長,自和你別後我還未來得及收拾,那雙紅腫的眼睛,和沒精打采
的靈魂,它們垂下來,等待。待晴天來臨,我把秘密放進雨水裡,靜候有天你對我說出我沒法對你說
出的話句。
親愛的,我很想念你。


inbetween the space of the universe there is only me and the wall

deartherearemanytimesiwanttoreachyoureachyoulike
thereisonlyaspacefor
theanttocrawl
between
usbutiputatoughwallbetweenusthereyouleavemeallalonein
thedarknessistarted
tovanishintothe
vacant
dustivanishtoflattermyselfmorebutifailithoughtiwillsucceedbutifail
iyearntoreach
youandirealizei
crave
foreverythingofyouthatnoonewilleverrequestofyouihate
myselfihatemyselfsinking
deepintothe
blues
iftomorrowitstheendoftheworldionlywanttoliveindreamsbut
idonotevendare
todreamijustmake
myself
afoolijustfoolmyselfallthetimeiwishyouhavetheearstohear
iwishyouhavemyheart
toperceivemei
wish
youknowmeknowingmyfragilityandmycommittedsoul
butthereyougoyou
shutyourdoorwedrag
we
falllikethebutterflieslightlyknockmeoveryoubringmedownyoulet
medownyoushineyousmile
everytime
iseeyouitslikeabrandnewstartofourdaysbutiknowyoudonot
needmeanymoreourwavesdonotgo
togetherdonotformthesamecircledonotformashapewhich
uniteeachotheriknowiwillforever
return
toyoubuticannotwaitanylongermyemptinessisgonnaburnmeover
itsgonnasealmeupmyloveto
you
iswaytooheavyicannolongerbreatheinicannolonger
liedownjusttohaveanicesleepiwishtoclose
my
eyesjusttoleavemydirtyworldletmeslideletmeslipawayletme
burnmyselfinsheermadnessyou
are
thewallthatshutmeinyouarethewalltheleadme
nowhereyouarethewallthattakesmeinto
confusion
ifidietonightwillyouholdmyhandwillyoutellmeyoustill
careirememberthedayyourworriedface
youtoldmehowmuchyoucareyoutoldmeyouwillwaitfor
meyoutoldmewearemadeforeach
otheri
misstheolddayiknowthereisnotimelikeyesterday
imdancingonmyowninthelittleflameof
desire
canulightmeupgivemealittlepushandtellmedear
itllbealrightpleaselietomeitwillbealright

星期五, 3月 04, 2005

letter never sent

the french sea













will u forget me day after day

as if i am the starfish sinking deep down to the bottom

星期四, 3月 03, 2005

旋轉

這 是一封私人信件。雨下個不斷,氣溫像我對你的想像,上下搖擺,你我彷彿被旋轉。還是我一個人,隔著矇矓的回憶吸一口氣。 如果我有勇氣走過去,屏障的對岸有沒有你的腳步,在停留。我總在聽tbs的情歌,忽然記起那個午後,綠色的,我們在樹下看著溜走的青春。那條直線,一直畫 下去,從這裡到那裡,我無法想像下去。